Can I Be Confident and Humble at the Same Time?
Remember the good ole days when you were told to be ‘seen and not heard’ or you were teased for actually ‘loving’ yourself?
I remember a specific time in my life…I was in Grade 4…and I was given a beautiful yellow skirt with white poker dots on it for Christmas.
I was all of 9 years old and I loved this skirt so much because it meant I could spin around and around and the skirt would fly up into the air like I was a real dancer.
For the first time in my life I was excited to go school. I couldn’t wait to show my two friends my new skirt. I was finally trendy and I was sure that meant I would be liked, accepted and no longer have to worry about whether my so-called friends liked me or not as it seemed to change from day to day.
I arrived at school that day and I remember it was a beautiful sunny day.
I put my school bag away and ran outside to find my friends.
I found them sitting on the benches near our classroom soaking up the sun.
I immediately and excitedly said hello and asked how their Christmas was…and I think I may have been to excited to even allow them time to respond before I blurted out, “look at my amazing new skirt…look…it even flies up into the air when I twist and turn!”
I twirled my body around and around giggling with happiness to share to my joy.
When I stopped twirling…I looked at my friends faces with the greatest disappointment.
They were scowling at me and sniggering in each others ear.
I remember how I felt that day, walking away with my tail between my legs.
I also distinctly remember saying to myself, “I will NEVER EVER be the centre of attention again. I will NEVER allow myself to be noticed!”
And that’s exactly what I did…for many years to come.
I played the roll of ‘wallflower’.
It has taken up until my 40’s to finally break free of that fear…that fear of being ridiculed, of being disliked…just because I was happy and being noticed.
That one experience, I allowed, to rule my life because I believed to be truly happy and love yourself was to be ridiculed and disliked.
But thankfully…this one experience has led me to one of my greatest life lessons…
It does NOT matter what others think of you….it only matters what YOU think of you. And to love yourself is to allow others to love you also.
In learning how to love myself…I discovered my confidence…my ability to truly step into who I am, without needing to explain myself, justify or clip my wings for others to approve.
To this day, I am not always liked by everyone…and my confidence may offend some who are yet to get the lesson themselves.
Yet one thing I know for sure is…
There is a HUGE difference between confidence and arrogance.
Confidence: feeling or showing certainty about something.
Arrogance: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.
The fact is to be confident is NOT arrogant…it’s quite the opposite.
Confidence is acceptance of WHO you are…exactly as you are.
Arrogance is to pretend to be someone you are not…believing you are better than others…treating others how you wish NOT to be treated yourself. This is anything but humble.
When you are truly confident…you are by default….humble. True confidence brings belief in yourself…a quiet belief that is unwavering. When you believe in yourself and WHO you are…you no longer need to shout it from the rooftops. You no longer need to PROVE it to others, you no longer NEED to be liked or loved by specific people because the right ones just show up. You are at peace with you.
To be confident may mean you can stand in front of a crowd of hundreds or even thousands and speak with clarity, certainty and conviction…yet it is a quite space that lies within you that simply KNOWS you are good enough exactly the way you are.
This quietness within you…this knowing…helps you to remain grateful for your journey, to realise you are not better nor worse than others, to feel compassion, to encourage, to know there is enough for all and there is no room for competition in your life.
I don’t believe the word humble is define accurately in the dictionary – meaning ‘to feel less important or proud’…this is an egoic version of the word.
To me….to be humble means to realise we are all one. To realise there is no hierarchy…to understand the meaning of gratitude and compassion and to live your life large yet in the peaceful state of each emotion.
To me…to be humble is to sit with anyone…be they from the street or from the Ivory tower and still be heart centred and humbled by their story.
To me…you CAN be confident and humble at the same time…it’s all a matter of whose definition of each you wish to live by…the dictionaries or your own?
Love you long time…