She remembers the moment she had her ‘smack-you-in-the-face’ awakening.
She was feeling sorry for herself, yelling obscenities at the ‘universe’ asking it ‘why???’
‘Why can’t I get achieve what I visualized? What I yearn so deeply for?’
Why is it so on again, off again like a fractured relationship?
Then it hits her.
It IS a fractured relationship.
It is weak.
It has no foundations.
But most of all she realised she had never actually believed it would even work in the first place.
And because of that she had barely dipped her toe in the water.
That was the truth of it.
She was not two feet in.
She was not truly committed.
She did not believe.
Instead, she was afraid of the pain ‘when’ it failed.
She didn’t feel ‘good enough’.
She didn’t take the steps and do what it truly takes.
And so, it didn’t arrive.
But now she knows.
She knows the truth of where she’s been and she knows it’s time to make a decision.
An unapologetic, fully immersed decision.
She knows she has to align every ounce of her energy and being with this decision.
She knows it will take courage.
She knows it will challenge her.
She knows it will reveal even more of her fears.
But she does it anyway.
So she takes her first step.
She asks for help.